~*~Friends....~*~

I have been doing a lot of thinking and exploring in my own head lately. I can't remember a time in my life recently where I have actually had the time and energy to focus on my mental well being. Along with all this thinking come some thoughts that don't necessarily make me happy, one of which I feel like writing about. Not that I think anyone will read it, but because I need to say it. And as I write that sentence, "Not that I think anyone will read it..." I lay the ground work for this....rant.

What is going on with everyone? What has happened to "friends?" I sat back and reflected quite a bit lately on people who are "in" my life, and honestly, I got very frustrated. Some of the people I know, seem to have this fake exterior...I'm not sure I understand why. They claim friendship, show the world we are friends, etc...but yet, never talk to me. It seems as though everyone is getting so wrapped up in being selfish and self centered that they are unable to see they are unintentionally hurting their "friends" just by simply *not* being there.

My point is not coming across very clearly here, and this is sounding like the rant of a bitter old lady who has no friends, and that is not my intention. I am blessed with great people around me, I am not discounting the friendships I do have or the friends who have stayed close. I do love my friends. I am, however, at the end of my rope with people who pretend to be friends for the sake of....for the sake of....I actually have no idea what the point of doing this is. I'm sorry to say, but if you have not checked up on a "friend" in 6 months, you are not a friend. If you have not taken a few minutes to find out how a "friend" is coping with major life changes, you are not a friend.

Never in my life has partying or "playing" over ridden my ability to connect with my true friends. Yes, people get busy...*life* gets busy, understandable. You have time to drink, dance, party...then you have time to say "Hey, how's life these days?" We have email, internet, cell phones, text messages, Facebook, Myspace, Yourspace, Ourspace...whatever, there are plenty of ways to communicate....if you care to. I guess that is what it's about. If you *care* to, then do. If you couldn't care less if you hear from me again, then let's quit pretending we are friends. Just because I am a friend of a friend or the girlfriend of your friend, doesn't mean this fakeness has to start/continue.
I've decided I am worth more than that. I find myself wondering if I did something to upset a person that I didn't realize, I constantly wonder if they are okay, do they need anything? Why don't they come by, invite me out...etc? And for what? It's a very one sided relationship I am constantly fighting in my head.

So, I write this in hope that maybe it will ruffle a few feathers, maybe someone who cares will read it and understand the things I say are not out of bitterness, but from love...because it hurts to be friends with someone who is not your friend back.

Unfortunalty, this post comes full circle and I am back to the original thought..."Not that I think anyone will read it."