~*~The best birthday party ever!~*~

My BFF, my nephew, turned 10 this month. Since he has never had a party more than just cake and ice cream, I decided it was high time to give him one to remember. The night before his party he came out and spent the night with Joe and Me. I cooked some salmon, made brownies and we watched "The Dark Night." He slept next to Braxton and Me on the recliner with his favorite red pillow that is "good for his appetite..." and by morning he was sprawled out all over. I don't realize how big he is until I see him like that, all still...sleeping...dreaming...he's growing up so fast. I remember like it was yesterday every moment of his childhood...his first everything...growing from baby to infant to toddle to child...now to the pre-teen era. I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.

A new Chuck E Cheese opened in his neighborhood, so we went there. He was able to invite 2 of his friends from school and along with Dylan, Ashlee, and Jaylee...he had a blast! Grandma had the flu and missed it :( Everyone was bummed, but Kristian understood and was able to talk to her about it. His friends, Jose' and Rueben, had so much fun. They played games, ate pizza, Chuck E Cheese came out and gave him a special birthday medal and sang. He loved every minute of it. I'm so glad we were able to give him a party to remember, he's such a good kid and deserves to be treated special every now and then...especially since he usually gets ripped off with his birthday being 10 days before Christmas. :)

Happy Birthday Kristian!

Rueben, Jose and Kristian!

The Birthday table and all the guests!

~*~And, the masterpiece is complete!~*~

We finally got the my tattoo finished last week...it looks great, and I am so happy to be done! Here's the pics from start to finish! :)






And from a distance...gorgeous tat! Yay!

~*~She Walks...~*~

She walks alone in the dark
Waiting for the light to come
She speaks out loud, although no one is there
Somehow she feels more heard this way.
The night has never looked so dark,
And the light has never seemed so far away
But she keeps walking...unsure of what's ahead.

Hours pass, still no sign of the light she is searching for
She begins to let the fear set in, mind racing, palms sweating,
Maybe the light is not coming after all?
The tick-tock from her watch seems louder than her footsteps...
Waiting, still. Waiting.

Another hour passes, she begins to talk louder
Hoping her voice will scare away her fears
Can anyone hear her? Is anyone around?
She feels like she is drowning in the darkness.
She keeps walking, head held high, still waiting for the light.
Acceptance starts to sets in, it may never come,
But she has to continue walking.

Her voice, a scream now,
Trying to silence her fears which grow louder with every step
Paranoia, chaos, confusion and pain.
She knows now, she is alone.
For if anyone were around they surely would have come by now,
Would have led her to the light she seeks.

Acceptance...
She stops talking, no one can hear her...
She stops walking, there is no where to go...
She sits down on the cool ground.
She will remain alone in the dark...waiting...
For the light that will never come.

~*~Round two...~*~

I saw Ryan for our second session on my tattoo, we got another 3 hours of work in and he said we are about 1.2-2 hours from being done. Yay! :) I am so happy with how it is turning out!!! Here's some pics

After the 1st sitting


After the 2nd sitting!

~*~Falling Stars~*~

Last night the stars fell from the sky
In a showering array of light.
Light so beautiful and piercing it made the sound
Of shattering glass as it hit the Earth.
Outside lingering in this shower of glass
Cut and broken, bleeding and sacrificed.

Looking down I see the reflection of the heavens
Carved into the broken stars.
Unable to heal, unable to recreate, unable.
Although I am bleeding, I reach down to pick up the delicate star...
Only to have it cut me once more.
I drop it to the ground and watch the shattered piece...
In wonderment...In amazement....
How is something so divine refusing to be helped?

Confused, as I watch passerby's come and go,
Reaching for the stars, looking on in awe at their beauty
Only to walk away bleeding.
Will they ever be helped?
Has their fall damaged them so much they will never
Shine in their glory again?
They are broken, yes...but they are still stars.
They still hold the beauty of the skies above.
In my eyes they are more beautiful,
For written on their wounds are their story
Of travel, of time, of choices and regret.
I would love the stars. If only they would let me...
If only I get close enough for one touch.

~*~Friends....~*~

I have been doing a lot of thinking and exploring in my own head lately. I can't remember a time in my life recently where I have actually had the time and energy to focus on my mental well being. Along with all this thinking come some thoughts that don't necessarily make me happy, one of which I feel like writing about. Not that I think anyone will read it, but because I need to say it. And as I write that sentence, "Not that I think anyone will read it..." I lay the ground work for this....rant.

What is going on with everyone? What has happened to "friends?" I sat back and reflected quite a bit lately on people who are "in" my life, and honestly, I got very frustrated. Some of the people I know, seem to have this fake exterior...I'm not sure I understand why. They claim friendship, show the world we are friends, etc...but yet, never talk to me. It seems as though everyone is getting so wrapped up in being selfish and self centered that they are unable to see they are unintentionally hurting their "friends" just by simply *not* being there.

My point is not coming across very clearly here, and this is sounding like the rant of a bitter old lady who has no friends, and that is not my intention. I am blessed with great people around me, I am not discounting the friendships I do have or the friends who have stayed close. I do love my friends. I am, however, at the end of my rope with people who pretend to be friends for the sake of....for the sake of....I actually have no idea what the point of doing this is. I'm sorry to say, but if you have not checked up on a "friend" in 6 months, you are not a friend. If you have not taken a few minutes to find out how a "friend" is coping with major life changes, you are not a friend.

Never in my life has partying or "playing" over ridden my ability to connect with my true friends. Yes, people get busy...*life* gets busy, understandable. You have time to drink, dance, party...then you have time to say "Hey, how's life these days?" We have email, internet, cell phones, text messages, Facebook, Myspace, Yourspace, Ourspace...whatever, there are plenty of ways to communicate....if you care to. I guess that is what it's about. If you *care* to, then do. If you couldn't care less if you hear from me again, then let's quit pretending we are friends. Just because I am a friend of a friend or the girlfriend of your friend, doesn't mean this fakeness has to start/continue.
I've decided I am worth more than that. I find myself wondering if I did something to upset a person that I didn't realize, I constantly wonder if they are okay, do they need anything? Why don't they come by, invite me out...etc? And for what? It's a very one sided relationship I am constantly fighting in my head.

So, I write this in hope that maybe it will ruffle a few feathers, maybe someone who cares will read it and understand the things I say are not out of bitterness, but from love...because it hurts to be friends with someone who is not your friend back.

Unfortunalty, this post comes full circle and I am back to the original thought..."Not that I think anyone will read it."

~*~Thanksgiving has come and gone...~*~

It's hard for me to imagine that just last year I was pregnant with Braxton, listening to everyone tell me I am eating for two while fighting off the morning/noon/night sickness. Now here I am, continuing the tradition with my own family.

This was the first year we have been able to have Jaylee come along with us, she had a great time! Jenna's kids, my Mom, and my family went to Mary's house and spent a couple hours with the family. It was very nice and relaxed, and Scott made some amazing dip that I am going to covet the recipe to. ;)
After Mary's we all came back to my Mom's, Jenna got off work and Dad brought up dinner. Yum yum yum! It was so good! Braxton had his first taste of gravy, I thought Grandma was going to pee herself waiting for that moment! Lol :D



The girls went and played together all night, giggling and waiting for pie.

The boys and I went outside and played a little football together. Kristian has quite the arm on him and found it hilarious when he threw it to Dylan and he said "I got it, I got it!" and then it knocked him over. :D All in all, I think they had a great time this year.





Joe decided this morning that Wal-mart wouldn't be that busy (ha ha) and he got up at 5am to get us a Christmas tree they had on sale. We will be putting it up this weekend, it's the first time I have had a white tree. Plus it is pre-lit, so yay for us! :)