Updates! Whew, it's been a while!

Well, life sure has been busy around here! So busy, in fact, I haven't blogged in 6 months!

My little boy is growing and changing every single day. We celebrated his 1st birthday last month, I can't believe he is already 13 months old! I am saddened when I think about how quickly he is changing, but excited for his future as well.

Braxton started walking at 11 months old and has been on the run ever since. There is no question that he is ALL boy! If there is a toy in his sight that shouldn't be there he will pick it up and throw it behind him in one graceful (and dangerous!) swoop! He loves to be outside. If he could just stay out there all day, he would. There is no more holding Mommy's hand as we go down the sidewalk...no, he wants to do it himself, even if it means some skinned knees.

Braxton definitely inherited his Dad's musical passion. Whether it be the theme song to Spongebob Squarepants, a Mozart symphony, or Green Day, he finds the beat and bounces up and down to dance. He single handedly figured out how to get to the music screen on my cell phone and turn on his favorite tunes. Such a smart little boy.

Earlier this month while changing his diaper I asked "Braxton, where is Dad?" He looked over the the front door and whispered "Hi Dad." And so began the talking! He can now say "Mmmama" "Dad" and "No" his favorite thing to say, however, is still "Dad". Sometimes I say to him "Braxton, say Mom!" and he will answer "Dad!" ;) Damn kid!

In June we packed up the family and went to the cabin in Idaho. We

all had a great time, most of it was spent riding the 4-wheelers. Braxton LOVED them, which

I was very surprised to learn. I took him

for a short ride and when we came back and shut the engine off he started bawling. As soon as the engine was restarted he was happy again. We would take the kids out for an hour at a time and there were no complaints! Night time was a challenge, I should have thought ahead and brought a baby monitor, but instead I was stuck in the cabin after 9 pm or so. Next year should be better!

Last week I took for Braxton his first haircut. We went to Cookie Cutters, which was just adorable. He got to pick a movie to watch, (Elmo, of course), and picked out a truck to sit in. All was fine until we put the smock on him, then the tears started rolling and didn't stop until the end of the haircut! He got a sucker and balloon to remember his day by, and I kept a lock of his hair.

I wasn't entirely prepared for how different he would look without his baby hair. Now he has a faux-hawk , and an attitude to go with it. He left the house a baby and 15 minutes later he was a toddler!

Some of his favorite things to do these days include; walking outside, up and down the stairs. He loves to get into the kitchen drawers and throw out all of his bibs and then put them back again. He also loves reading his books! Whether he is reading them by himself on the floor, flipping through the pages, or sitting on Mommy's lap while I read to him...he just loves books. We spend one or two days per week at the library, mostly throwing the books around and then reading them when we get home. :)

One of my favorite things to watch him do is what I call his "pacifier game". When he was 6 months old he learned the joy of different pacifiers. He would wake up in the middle of the night and when I would go in to check on him I would find him sitting straight up with his eyes still closed...sort of rocking back and forth with a pacifier in his mouth. A couple seconds later he would drop the pacifier, pick up another one and put it in his mouth. This would go on and on until someone stopped him. He is now almost 14 months old and

he still plays this game. I love to put 3 or 4 pacifiers on the floor by him and just watch him try them all out.

The hardest thing we have encountered so far would have to be the sleeping issues. He has never slept through the night, not once. I was hoping it would just be something he outgrew and eventually would learn to sleep longer...however, it's only getting worse it seems. The last 2 weeks he has been waking up around midnight and most nights he will stay awake for hours at a time! Needless to say, Mom is exhausted!

Well, that catches us all up! I will try better to keep up on the blog. :)

~*~The best birthday party ever!~*~

My BFF, my nephew, turned 10 this month. Since he has never had a party more than just cake and ice cream, I decided it was high time to give him one to remember. The night before his party he came out and spent the night with Joe and Me. I cooked some salmon, made brownies and we watched "The Dark Night." He slept next to Braxton and Me on the recliner with his favorite red pillow that is "good for his appetite..." and by morning he was sprawled out all over. I don't realize how big he is until I see him like that, all still...sleeping...dreaming...he's growing up so fast. I remember like it was yesterday every moment of his childhood...his first everything...growing from baby to infant to toddle to child...now to the pre-teen era. I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.

A new Chuck E Cheese opened in his neighborhood, so we went there. He was able to invite 2 of his friends from school and along with Dylan, Ashlee, and Jaylee...he had a blast! Grandma had the flu and missed it :( Everyone was bummed, but Kristian understood and was able to talk to her about it. His friends, Jose' and Rueben, had so much fun. They played games, ate pizza, Chuck E Cheese came out and gave him a special birthday medal and sang. He loved every minute of it. I'm so glad we were able to give him a party to remember, he's such a good kid and deserves to be treated special every now and then...especially since he usually gets ripped off with his birthday being 10 days before Christmas. :)

Happy Birthday Kristian!

Rueben, Jose and Kristian!

The Birthday table and all the guests!

~*~And, the masterpiece is complete!~*~

We finally got the my tattoo finished last week...it looks great, and I am so happy to be done! Here's the pics from start to finish! :)






And from a distance...gorgeous tat! Yay!

~*~She Walks...~*~

She walks alone in the dark
Waiting for the light to come
She speaks out loud, although no one is there
Somehow she feels more heard this way.
The night has never looked so dark,
And the light has never seemed so far away
But she keeps walking...unsure of what's ahead.

Hours pass, still no sign of the light she is searching for
She begins to let the fear set in, mind racing, palms sweating,
Maybe the light is not coming after all?
The tick-tock from her watch seems louder than her footsteps...
Waiting, still. Waiting.

Another hour passes, she begins to talk louder
Hoping her voice will scare away her fears
Can anyone hear her? Is anyone around?
She feels like she is drowning in the darkness.
She keeps walking, head held high, still waiting for the light.
Acceptance starts to sets in, it may never come,
But she has to continue walking.

Her voice, a scream now,
Trying to silence her fears which grow louder with every step
Paranoia, chaos, confusion and pain.
She knows now, she is alone.
For if anyone were around they surely would have come by now,
Would have led her to the light she seeks.

Acceptance...
She stops talking, no one can hear her...
She stops walking, there is no where to go...
She sits down on the cool ground.
She will remain alone in the dark...waiting...
For the light that will never come.

~*~Round two...~*~

I saw Ryan for our second session on my tattoo, we got another 3 hours of work in and he said we are about 1.2-2 hours from being done. Yay! :) I am so happy with how it is turning out!!! Here's some pics

After the 1st sitting


After the 2nd sitting!

~*~Falling Stars~*~

Last night the stars fell from the sky
In a showering array of light.
Light so beautiful and piercing it made the sound
Of shattering glass as it hit the Earth.
Outside lingering in this shower of glass
Cut and broken, bleeding and sacrificed.

Looking down I see the reflection of the heavens
Carved into the broken stars.
Unable to heal, unable to recreate, unable.
Although I am bleeding, I reach down to pick up the delicate star...
Only to have it cut me once more.
I drop it to the ground and watch the shattered piece...
In wonderment...In amazement....
How is something so divine refusing to be helped?

Confused, as I watch passerby's come and go,
Reaching for the stars, looking on in awe at their beauty
Only to walk away bleeding.
Will they ever be helped?
Has their fall damaged them so much they will never
Shine in their glory again?
They are broken, yes...but they are still stars.
They still hold the beauty of the skies above.
In my eyes they are more beautiful,
For written on their wounds are their story
Of travel, of time, of choices and regret.
I would love the stars. If only they would let me...
If only I get close enough for one touch.

~*~Friends....~*~

I have been doing a lot of thinking and exploring in my own head lately. I can't remember a time in my life recently where I have actually had the time and energy to focus on my mental well being. Along with all this thinking come some thoughts that don't necessarily make me happy, one of which I feel like writing about. Not that I think anyone will read it, but because I need to say it. And as I write that sentence, "Not that I think anyone will read it..." I lay the ground work for this....rant.

What is going on with everyone? What has happened to "friends?" I sat back and reflected quite a bit lately on people who are "in" my life, and honestly, I got very frustrated. Some of the people I know, seem to have this fake exterior...I'm not sure I understand why. They claim friendship, show the world we are friends, etc...but yet, never talk to me. It seems as though everyone is getting so wrapped up in being selfish and self centered that they are unable to see they are unintentionally hurting their "friends" just by simply *not* being there.

My point is not coming across very clearly here, and this is sounding like the rant of a bitter old lady who has no friends, and that is not my intention. I am blessed with great people around me, I am not discounting the friendships I do have or the friends who have stayed close. I do love my friends. I am, however, at the end of my rope with people who pretend to be friends for the sake of....for the sake of....I actually have no idea what the point of doing this is. I'm sorry to say, but if you have not checked up on a "friend" in 6 months, you are not a friend. If you have not taken a few minutes to find out how a "friend" is coping with major life changes, you are not a friend.

Never in my life has partying or "playing" over ridden my ability to connect with my true friends. Yes, people get busy...*life* gets busy, understandable. You have time to drink, dance, party...then you have time to say "Hey, how's life these days?" We have email, internet, cell phones, text messages, Facebook, Myspace, Yourspace, Ourspace...whatever, there are plenty of ways to communicate....if you care to. I guess that is what it's about. If you *care* to, then do. If you couldn't care less if you hear from me again, then let's quit pretending we are friends. Just because I am a friend of a friend or the girlfriend of your friend, doesn't mean this fakeness has to start/continue.
I've decided I am worth more than that. I find myself wondering if I did something to upset a person that I didn't realize, I constantly wonder if they are okay, do they need anything? Why don't they come by, invite me out...etc? And for what? It's a very one sided relationship I am constantly fighting in my head.

So, I write this in hope that maybe it will ruffle a few feathers, maybe someone who cares will read it and understand the things I say are not out of bitterness, but from love...because it hurts to be friends with someone who is not your friend back.

Unfortunalty, this post comes full circle and I am back to the original thought..."Not that I think anyone will read it."